Friday, October 25, 2013

The One Where I Update My Blog

So, I took some time off from all things social media. And it was a beautiful thing. But now, I have so much to say that I hope I can even organize it all into some kind of order.

As I've discussed before, I'm a life-long anxiety sufferer. Though I lived in "anxiety-remission" for almost 5 years, recently I suffered an unexplainable relapse. For days I was fighting my old symptoms, and after doing some serious soul-searching, I realized it was because I suddenly felt incredibly overwhelmed. Like, by EVERYTHING. I am someone who will openly admit that sometimes I need to isolate to deal. I get so lost inside the feelings that I start to lose MYSELF, and I have to become keenly self-aware to re-gain my footing. And sometimes that includes removing myself from parts of my world (like social media). I realize that probably makes me sound supremely selfish, and maybe it is, but its how I've ALWAYS coped.

I think, for me, part of why I needed a little hiatus from social media was 100% personal. Its often hard for me to look at the lives of others on Facebook or Instagram (admittedly, several times a day) without comparing it to my own. And sometimes I get panicky that my life isn't like someone else's.  I'm going to give this topic the attention it deserves soon...but for now, let's move on.


I realized recently that it's been quite some time since I've done anything remotely close to an overall life update. So that's how I'm going to throw myself back into my blog.

We have been crazy busy the last few months.  I'll admit, our full calendar might be partly to blame for my sudden recurrence of anxiety. It often leaves us feeling like there isn't enough time in the day...however, as I type those words, I can't help but smile because that just means that we are lucky to have so many wonderful people and opportunities in our lives.

We've also been on an emotional roller coaster with one of our furbabies, Chloe. About a month ago, she was diagnosed with Mid-Stage Renal Failure. Basically, her kidneys are shutting down. She is in stage 2 of 4, which means that there are still treatment options, but that the damage that has already occurred cannot be undone. We are on a treatment regimen, and assuming it all works properly, we should get more time with her. :) In the meantime, I just have my fingers crossed that she won't hate me when all is said and done, since I'm the one giving her an IV twice a week and shoving pills down her throat when needed. I think that's the hardest part about having pets. You can't EXPLAIN to them that all of this is to help them feel better.

The most notable update is about Ryan. After a hiatus from the "working world" to focus on his health, he has started a new job! As far as his recovery...well, its still an uphill battle. We've changed to a new doctor and are trying a new type of treatment - which basically means we've started from scratch. I've definitely noticed a significant backslide in his progress, which we were warned about, and its been tough on both of us. Just because we KNOW what the problem is, doesn't make it any easier to cope with when his symptoms start showing back up. I have many moments where I wish more than anything that I could just take this all away from Ryan and suffer through it myself. I'll give a more detailed update on this soon!

Until feels good to be back! 

1 comment:

  1. I completely understand where you're coming from on the needing-to-isolate-to-recharge thing. Sometimes it helps to disconnect from both the real and the imagined noises in our head and just breathe and take time to ourselves to just.. be.

    It's so sweet that you're taking such wonderful care of Chloe. Even though you can't explain that it's to help her feel better, I'm sure she realizes it on some level.

    Happy new job to Ryan! It stinks that all this modern technology and medication just can't seem to work as quickly as we want it to, but I'm hoping this gets better for both of you in time.

    I'm happy that you're back! :)