“I used to be skinny. And fit. And confident.” That's one of the hardest truths I’ve faced through this ‘ordeal’...while I am still confident of WHO I am, I've lost complete confidence on the outside. I hide behind people in pictures; I don't go shopping with my friends because I don't want them to see the sizes I buy. It just plain sucks and I am DONE with it. I am SO BLESSED to have so much love and support. That love and support is going to be invaluable on this journey. I was truly overwhelmed by the emails, texts, phone calls and FB messages I received after my “Day of Reckoning”…and I will keep them all as a reminder of the amazing support system I have. I’m lucky to have a husband, family and friends who love me JUST THE WAY I AM…but who are all also willing to do whatever they can to help me reach my goals.
I’m doing a lot differently this time around. Before, I would look at pictures of myself from high school and think “It sure would be nice to look like that again”. I’m not doing that anymore. I just need to get to a healthy, happy weight/size for me. I don’t know what that exact number is yet. I’ll know when I get there. What I DO know, is it’s a long way from here. That’s not to say I don’t have a goal. I have a number in head of how much I’d like to lose.
So, what am I going to do to reach this goal? It’s got to be a lifestyle change for me, which is why I didn’t list it as a “resolution”. There is no room for me to slide back into old habits, ever again. So, I’m going to eat healthier foods, in more moderation and exercise. Sounds easy enough - NOT. It’s NOT going to be easy. It’s going to be a long, hard road. And there are days I’m not going to want to do it anymore. But I’m going to do anyway. It’s no longer a “want to”. It’s a MUST.
As far as the food is concerned, I did a lot of research over the weekend to pick the best plan for me. There are so many options out there. I knew I didn’t want a “temporary fix to a permanent problem” like Jenny Craig or Nutri-System. I’m not interested in eating microwave meals for the rest of my life. That left the Biggest Loser program, Weight Watchers and good old fashioned calorie counting. After much research, and listening to my “gut” (no pun intended), I’ve decided to go back to Weight Watchers, at least for now. It’s really the only thing that has ever worked for me.
And for the exercise portion? Well, I don't have a gym membership...yet. I WILL get one, but I am so out of shape, I am going to walk 5 days a week for a month, get some of the initial weight off, get some strength back and then I'll join a gym. Honestly, I'm too embarrassed to set foot inside one right now.
SO! That's my plan. And I feel good about it. I am really pumped so it's not that I need it, but I also have several "events" ahead of me to help keep me motivated, but I'm not quite ready to reveal those yet. ;) And THANK YOU again to everyone who is there to love and support me along this journey. I love you all!!