Catch-Up

I haven't blogged in over a week, but with good reason. Tuesday while heading home from work, I started really not feeling well. I ate very little dinner, and went to bed early, only to wake up a few hours later - sick. I won't share the graphic details but, it was violent. I ran a high fever all night and most of Wednesday. I was still sick Thursday. I planned to go back to work Friday, but I woke up Friday morning with excruciating pain in my left, lower abdomen. After an hour of back and forth, my Mom over-ruled me and said "We are going to the ER." Her first thought was appendix. [FYI - we learned the appendix is on the right side.] I spent upwards of 8 hours in the ER Friday. After blood tests, scans, ultrasounds the doctor came back in to inform us that I'd had an ovarian cyst burst and cause some bleeding in my abdomen. He said it was very likely that is what was making me so sick, but I could have also just had "bad timing" and had a stomach bug and the cyst burst at the same time. No way to know for sure. So, they pumped me full of as much morphine as I could handle, wrote me a prescription for more pain killers and sent me home. I had to take the pain killers the rest of Friday and all day Saturday. By Sunday the pain was gone but I still felt so drained. I sat outside in the sun for an hour or so, hoping that would help. Monday, at little better but still just no energy. Same story yesterday. Today, I am really starting to feel better. I know Ryan was really disappointed that our 3 day weekend we had been so looking forward to was spend mostly on the couch or in bed. But - at least its a short week!

In other news, WW is going well. I lost 5 lbs that first week then none the second. When they weighed me at the ER I'd lost 7 lbs [yes, SEVEN] last week, but my Mom and I decided it was because I didn't eat for 3 days. Once I started eating again, I gained 3 lbs practically over night, so my total loss for last week was 4 lbs. That's 9 lbs in 3 weeks. Not too shabby. I'm finding more and more I can eat and will start posting the good recipes/meals soon. Although, I have days where I think "Do I really want to be skinny?" because all I want to do is eat fast food and dessert. Dessert is the hardest to resist. Of course, the answer to that question is always "Yes." And really, its less about skinny and more about healthy. But, I'll take skinny too.

Was that on purpose?

As I was walking through my office building yesterday, texting while walking, a lady stopped me to tell me how cute it was that my iPhone matched my outfit and asked if I had a case to match every outfit. I looked down and to my dismay - I did match. Then, on my was out of the building to head home, another lady stopped me, pointed at my phone and then my clothing and asked "Was that on purpose?" Sigh. I must have looked like such a tool. So, I stepped into the restroom and snapped a picture, because I wanted to share my embarrassment with all of you.

I really like black and lime green together, so I guess I just need to keep my phone in my purse when I wear this again...

Not really a Weekend Wrap-up...

...cause we didn't really do much this weekend.

Oh Monday, why must you come so soon. I.am.tired. I didn't get enough sleep this weekend and Ryan & I both tossed and turned all night long last night. Then we had to get up WAY before the sun this morning so I could drop him off for yet another week long business trip. [He also worked Saturday and will work again this coming Saturday.] I miss my husband!!!

I dropped my Jetta off yesterday at the body shop to get the damage from being hit in the parking lot fixed. So, I am driving Ryan's Jeep all week. This has it's pros and cons. I really like his Jeep, but more as a passenger. It doesn't handle the same way the Jetta does so it always takes me a few days to get used to driving it - especially in heels. But it does have a much better sound system, it's faster and I like being higher up so, there is all of that.

I had a total weight loss fail this past week. As previously mentioned, on Weight Watchers, you have a set number of points every day plus "flex" points you can use if you go out to eat. Well, I used about 1/2 of my flex points and I didn't lose a single pound this week. Oops. Since Frankie's bday was Wednesday, we had cake. And I had a couple 1/2 pieces in the days after. Plus, I ate fast food several times. Its my own fault and I'm pissed at myself. I am going to a WW meeting tonight. And I am back in the right mindset and will be strict this week to make up for it. ::Shakes head in shame::

But - there is a light at the end of the tunnel...in the form of a 3 day weekend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANKIE!

Today, my baby brother turns 23. He has really come into his own over the past couple of years and has accomplished a lot in 2009.

In case you are one of the few that hasn't already had this shoved down your throat ;) check out his music here!! He wrote all the songs you will hear, except for Call Me When You Hit Chicago, which was written by a good friend of ours, Andrew Tinker. Frankie has a real knack for writing "storytelling songs". In fact the last track is appropriately named "Story Song".

Frank-Beau, I love you SO much. I don't think you really even know. You have been my best friend since May 13, 1986 and I cannot imagine how empty my life would be without you. This story has been told by my Mom a lot over the years, but it's very relevant today. I was 2 when my Mom told me I would be a big sister. From that moment, I prayed every.single.night that God would give me a little brother. I think most little girls want a sister - not me. I wanted a brother. And boy oh boy, did God bless me!! I could not have asked for a better brother than Franklin Wylie Silverman!

Weekend Wrap-up!

Friday - I rushed home from work, swallowed my SmartOnes meal whole and my Mom & I headed out to Denton to see my friend Mandy in the MTD production of Crazy For You! Traffic was bad but we got there just in time. But MAN was it worth the drive!! I was so impressed. And it really made me miss my theatre days. Mandy was FANTASTIC as Irene. And many of the other cast members really stood out to us, too. For us, besides Mandy, the best part of the show was the amazing tap dancing!

Saturday - Ryan was starting to get sick and I wasn't feeling 100% either. We were supposed to go to my cousin's 1st birthday party but Ryan went to CareNow and they said he had a contagious throat infection. I decided to stay home too.

Sunday - I spent the day with my Mom, went to the grocery store and did house work. Ryan was feeling worse. :( I told him he needed to go ahead and call in to work for Monday. Pretty sure it's not just a throat infection, but a nasty cold. I also weighed myself yesterday...and I lost 5 lbs last week!!!! I know that I won't lose that much every week but it felt GREAT to look down and see a smaller number!!

I'm at work on this rainy day...wishing I could be home with my sick hubby. Although, it's probably best I avoid him...! ;)

Well, the good news is...

...I get to spend Mother's Day with my Mom.

The bad news is...it's because she was "let go" at work today.

I really think this is a blessing in disguise. I know there is something better out there for her. The tough part will be finding it right now.

Prayers are appreciated!!!

And to all my Mommy friends - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!

Happy Half-versary!!

TGIF!!! Today is our half-versary!! In other words, we have been married exactly 6 months today!! I don't really know why this is such a big deal to me. Ryan's response was "It's not a year." LOL! But, for whatever reason, it just feels really exciting to me!

So, just for fun we will take a quick look down memory lane. This is a picture taken shortly after we started dating in 2002.

Man, we were both so much thinner...!

Here we are on Ryan's 21st birthday. I really, really love this picture!

Awww the night we got engaged! Ryan has the "OMG I might puke" look on his face. ;)

And just for fun, a couple of pictures from the wedding day. :)

The pastor should have said "You may kiss the Groom" instead of "the Bride." Hehee.

Happiest day of my life, so far. I love you Hubster!!

Everyone have a GREAT weekend!!! :)

Someone distract me!

PLEASE!! I'm starving. No matter what I eat, I'm still hungry. Yesterday, I didn't feel 100% and so I didn't much of an appetite. I actually had left over points at the end of the day! Today - it's like I'm making up for yesterday. Who's stupid idea was this weight loss thing?!?! GEEZ!

In other news...on Sunday night Ryan asked me what I was doing Saturday. I said "Well, I have to buy the American Idol Tour concert tickets, then I have a hair appointment at 11am but then nothing until Akina's 1st birthday party. Why?" All he said was "I have a surprise for you." Well, I dropped it. He always blows his surprises before they happen so I didn't want to push my luck. Well, yesterday I was looking at the bank account online and noticed a fairly large debit from one of the accounts we don't usually touch. I asked "What was $xxx for?" He got the saddest little look on his face! Then I realized...that's what he used to pay for my surprise! I still had no idea and he totally could have just kept it a secret still but instead he blurted out "It's an iPhone." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?! I've been drooling over his since he got it, but I never thought he'd buy ME one!!! I am SO excited. But...how am I EVER going to top that? ;)

And if you were wondering, changing the subject from food to iPhones did NOT help the hunger. Everyone keeps telling me it takes a week or two to stop feeling so hungry. Well, two weeks needs to be up. Like, now preferably.

I wonder what's for dinner... ;)

Day 2 - A day for insight

Disclaimer: This is the longest blog entry I've ever written. Sorry...

I survived Day 1 of Weight Watchers [WW from now on]. I'm not going to lie, I was hungry most of the day but I did pretty well regardless. I went over my points a little, but because I am hypoglycemic I think my body is having a harder time adjusting than most. For those of you who are not familiar with WW, you get a set amount of "points" you can consume everyday based on your height and current weight. Each food has a certain number of points based on calories, fat grams and fiber content. Then as you lose weight, the points go down. But you also have "flex" points you can used over the week. So, if you want to eat out, have a "bad day" or if, like me, you have your cousin's 1st birthday party to go to over the weekend and you want a piece of cake! ;)

As my friend Ashley said in an email today, WW really teaches you how you are supposed to eat. Americans in general over-eat, and I am definitely guilty of this. That's what I was so hungry yesterday, and why hunger is starting to creep up on me today. By learning what to "spend your points on", you are really learning what's best for your body. [For example, a lot veggies are 0 points and many fruits are only 1 or 2.]

But, our over-eating conversation led me to an intervention on myself. So here goes: Hi, my name is Rachel and I am an emotional eater. There. I said it. I'm about to do a lot of personal sharing so, if you don't care, skip to the next paragraph. :) Ok- growing up I was never over-weight. I mean, I had a chubby year in 2nd grade but a lot of kids do. Then I started growing like a weed and was skinny until 2004 or 2005. Anyway, I don't remember when food became a "tool" but it happened. I suffer from severe anxiety. [Another admission you may not have wanted to know.] As a child it was crippling. I literally shut down for a few years of my life. The only time I felt calm was at home with my family or on stage. [Weird, I know.] Middle school was one of the worst times of my life, anxiety wise, and I actually stopped eating anywhere but home. I ate one meal a day usually - dinner. I was scary skinny. Border line mal-nourished. [My doctor later said the lack of food those years may have thrown my hypoglycemia into hyper-drive.] Ok, moving on. For those years, I emotionally DIDN'T eat. But once I got a grip on my anxiety, I did a total flip. Suddenly, food was my "tool". My security blanket. In high school it wasn't so bad. I did the normal, "OMG I broke up with my boyfriend, let's eat ice cream and doritos" thing, and every summer I gained a little weight from bored-eating, but I was so active with dance, theater, choir, etc it didn't make a difference. The weight would just fall right off. Well, after high school my life started falling apart at the seams. I'm not going to go into too much detail to protect my loved ones but, my family fell apart, my best friend died, I lost Ryan [got him back though ;)!] and suddenly I was a lost puppy with no direction. So I ate. And ate. And ate. I thought it was making me feel better. I went back into counseling and got a better handle on my emotions, worked hard and lost most of the weight I'd gained. I had those few pounds that would creep on and off and I was curvier than high school but ok with my body. Fast forward to 2006. February of 2006, Ryan came back into my life. Life was good. So we ate. And ate. And ate. I over-eat no matter the emotion. Happy, Sad, Angry, Stressed, Bored. All of them! My biggest struggle will be conquering this. So, I looked in the mirror and said out loud, "I will not eat emotionally." And I plan to do this everytime I start to.

So, as I prepare to eat my carefully planned and measured lunch, I still feel confident that I CAN do this. I CAN lose all this weight. I CAN keep from eating emotionally. I CAN!

To bring this novel of an entry to a close, I want to thank all of my friends, family and my husband for supporting me. I need it. To all you who emailed/Facebooked ideas, encouragement and wisdom my way - Thank you. And a special thanks for Ryan. His diet idea was "Go from a triple to a double and get it without bacon." Cute babe.

I appreciate and love all of you!!! xoxo

Today is the First Day...

...of the rest of my life. Today, I started Weight Watchers. I will probably blog about this weight loss process quite a bit. Even if no one reads it, it helps me to get my thoughts, feeling, struggles out there.

I think starting out, the biggest challenge for me will be hunger. Everyone has warned me that that first week is the hardest. While my body adjusts to eating so much differently than I have been, I'm going to be hungry. A lot. But that by next week it will get easier.

This has been a long time coming. I was skinny most of my life. In middle school I was TOO skinny. All through high school I was the right amount of skinny. College years...it slowly started to slide. I wasn't over-weight. Just a bit curvier but comfortable with my body. 2006 was when it all went downhill. When Ryan & I got back together, we ate. A lot. He is such an amazing cook, we ate the most fattening stuff. I gained a lot. Then when we got engaged I lost 25 lbs before the wedding. I felt so much better. He lost even more than that. Well, we both fell back into bad habits. I called it "the honeymoon phase". We ate out a lot, and ate in but not healthy. A few weeks ago I stood in front of the mirror [naked] and all the sudden I was starring at this fat person. In my head I was freaking out; "OMG. I'm fat. OMG." I knew that was the end. I waited until today to start for several reasons. We were moving and eating like crap out of convenience. Also, I am one of those people who really loves the "bad for you" stuff. I wanted to give myself one last chance to really indulge in all my cravings. So, totally mentally prepared, I started today.

I ate 1/2 a grapefruit, 1/2 an English muffin and coffee at 6:30am. At 8:30am I ate the other 1/2 of the grapefruit and 1 tbsp of peanut butter. It's 9:30am and I am starving. I'm trying to wait until 10am to eat my yogurt. [Sigh.]