A Long Overdue Follow Up

Recently, I have had a few people ask how Ryan is doing in his Battle with Testosterone. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you can read Parts One and Two before jumping into Part Three below.

We last left off with the update in September...and a lot has happened since then. After my last post, Ryan's moods had leveled off, but he never quite made it back to 100%. I had just accepted that this was his new 100%. But as we entered December, Ryan's very favorite time of year and generally his happiest, I noticed that some of the symptoms of Low T were coming back. Explosions of emotion - both anger and depression, high anxiety, lack of motivation and overall disinterest were all rearing their ugly heads again. And I was not having it. I knew that waiting too long to take action could be catastrophic. I refused to let my husband slide back to his lowest.

So, after Christmas, we contacted his doctor, had blood work done and went for a follow up. The specialist said that Ryan had dropped back down to the 500's. The pellets that should have lasted him six months, he had burned through in three. The doctor determined that Ryan's body basically attacks itself when he is under stress, which causes his testosterone to drop, which causes him to feel worse, which causes more stress. It was the epitome of a vicious cycle.

One of the biggest things for Ryan is to keep stress and anxiety as low as possible, so we have made some pretty huge changes to help him achieve that. He was given another pellet injection treatment, but it was also determined that putting him on an additional medication to help him manage his stress and anxiety was necessary. And as I type this blog, I can honestly say that Ryan is doing the best he has in YEARS. I feel like I'm going to jinx us here but I would venture to say that with the continued pellet treatments and meds, he is back to 100% himself!

He is back to being energetic, funny, sweet and driven. He is laughing and smiling basically all the time.

He is back to the man I fell in love with. 

He is happy.

There's Still A Lot Of Kind To Find

On Tuesday, I stopped by Target on my way home and while I strolling through the aisles, I over heard a conversation between a mother and her daughter. The girl was in her early teens I would guess, and she was telling her mom about a girl at school who was bullying her. I watched her face twist, trying to fight tears, as she explained that the girl called her names like idiot, bitch, fat and stupid in front of her classmates. She looked down at her feet when she said the words "Why is she so mean to me?"

I held my breath, as I pretended to look at items I'd never buy, waiting for loving words of support from her mother.

But her mother was too busy dealing with her three younger children and simply said "Girls are mean."

Girls are mean. THAT'S IT?! Those were the only consoling words this mother could muster?! Has it gotten so bad that we are simply okay with brushing off such bullying as "kids are mean"?! As if that justifies it somehow?!

For a moment, I let my shock show and my cover was blown as the girl glanced at me, embarrassed. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to run over and wrap that poor girl in my arms...but this mom didn't seem like the type who would take that very well, so instead I mouthed "I'm sorry" to the girl as they left the aisle.

And then I was the one twisting my face, trying to fight tears.

After close to a dozen screenings of Finding Kind in our local schools, and after the countless hours my DWC sisters and I have put in...my heart was absolutely breaking when it sank in that there were so many girls who hadn't heard the message of kindness yet. As I write this post, I feel so much regret. I should have run after them. I should have asked her what school she went to so we could have approached them about a screening.

But I didn't.

The only thing I can do now, is turn that regret into motivation. We have our next screening on Monday the 25th, and I will approach it with a fire that hasn't burned this intensely since the beginning of our Finding Kind journey a year and a half ago. Because apparently, there's still a lot of kind to find. 

Photo Dump

Ryan & I, enjoying having weekends together again!

Frankie, Brittany & I saw The Punch Brothers in January. They definitely did not disappoint.

Chloe snuggling with her Pooh Bear

Cooper striking a pose

 

Frankie, Jacob and Ryan at Jacob's going away party

The two of us on Ryan's birthday last week

Brittany & I at the Imagine Dragons concert

Imagine Dragons are currently my favorite band, and with good reason. I didn't think I could possibly love them anymore, until I saw them live.

Until next time!

Survey Saturday

I'm having one of those weird inner conflicts where I really WANT to blog, but I've been at a total loss for topics. So I decided, just to break the silence, I'd do this little "Saturday 9" survey I saw on my internet-friend Bex's blog.

1) Has anyone ever told you that you resemble a celebrity? When I was MUCH younger and MUCH thinner, people would tell me I looked like Jennifer Love Hewitt. Back then (the 90's) that was, like, the ultimate compliment.

Yes, that's a Medieval Times crown. It was our 8th grade trip so, back off. ;)

  

2) Is there an actress or actor whose movies you make it a point to see? Hmmm...when I was younger, it was Julia Roberts and Leonardo DiCaprio. But today, the first person to come to mind was Tom Hardy! I think he is so incredibly talented and has been in such a wide variety of movies lately. And he isn't hard on the eyes either. Plus he raps. With his baby.

3) We're stopping for refreshments before we go in to see the movie. What's your refreshment stand order? If I'm splurging, Dr. Pepper, popcorn and Reece's Pieces. I mean, what's a movie without ODing on salt and sugar? 

4) When did you last consume an alcoholic beverage? What was it? I don't drink much these days. I think it was my favorite wine on New Year's Eve. My answer 5 years ago would have been drastically different... ;)

5) Are you jumpy? Do you startle easily? Um, YES. I am incredibly jumpy and I startle ridiculously easy. It's a little insane, actually.

6) Do you wear a watch? Every day! Well, 98% of the time at least. I actually really love watches.

7) When was the last time you tried a new restaurant? I...don't know. Haha! I don't branch out very often, which is part of my motivation for #25 on my 30x30 list!

8) What color is your wallet? It's turquoisey blue and several shades of browns. And it's not like a solid color. It's got several different prints in that color scheme that are patch-worked together.

9) How much does it have in coins right now? I don't care for the way that question is worded. But I digress. None. No coins at all. We have a counter-roller-thingie so my change goes directly into that. 

Happy Saturday and thank you for indulging the survey-loving-16-year-old that still lives inside of me!