Monday, April 2, 2012

Day Two

DAY TWO - Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

I have serious anxiety if I don’t feel in “control”.

I have talked about my bout with anxiety before. It ran my life for years, and even though it’s under control these days, I still have moments or situations when I slip back into paralyzing fear. Like being in situations when I can’t fully be in control of what happens to me or my loved ones. Crowds and planes get me going to most. When I am “trapped” in a crowd, I immediately start to panic. I am also a really terrible flyer. I much prefer a car ride when I can stop and get out whenever I want. (This is also why I am a terrible wife who deprives her husband of going on a cruise.)

I am TERRIFIED of not being a good Mother.
Don’t roll your eyes. I’m serious. It seems like it’s so easy to screw your kids up. I had really great parents – but what if I can’t be as good?  What if I can’t find the right balance of loving support and respectful boundaries? What if my kids hate me? Will I be able to raise strong, confident kids who are also kind, smart and passionate? Ryan tells me not to worry, that one of the reasons he knew I was “The One” was because I am so good with kids… But what if I FAIL at my most important job ever?!

I am legitimately afraid of losing (more) loved ones.
When you’ve lost as many friends and family members as I have, you worry about that non-stop. When Ryan is out and I hear sirens, I panic. I text or call him to make sure he is okay. He laughs at me. He doesn’t understand - but I’m glad he doesn’t. We all know that someday we will lose our parents, but even thinking about it sends me into an emotional tailspin. Throw Ryan or Frankie into that mix and prepare for an epic meltdown. Those two better outlive me. It’s like Winnie the Pooh says, “If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.”

1 comment:

  1. Just now catching up on your blog, loving these daily challenges-you WILL be a great parent. This I know :)